Always Her Day
She lies in bed pretending shes asleepwhile in the kitchen man and child prepareher french toast breakfast. Making not a peep,they creep into the room with utmost careso that they dont upset the...
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Hi Anne - This is a heart-wrenching piece. (And as such difficult to comment on, since I have no idea how personal it may be. But since you've shared it...) I do have a few comments, which I hope you...
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Hi Anne,Pleased to meet you! Hey - I can't but repeat Audrey's thoughtful comments.Re line 14 - my scansion is:iamb/ spondee/ iamb/ spondee/ spondeeIndeed - quite a lot of substitutions here: three...
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Hi Anne - this is a magnificent sonnet. Congratulations. You have already had some very thoughtful & useful comment from Audrey and Crispin, so I will simply focus on that unusual 14th line. I...
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Anne,An admirable first posting. Welcome to this board.I cannot remember seeing a Shakespearean being divided into two seven-lined sections. Hey, why not? It proves once again that you can still...
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Audrey, Crispin, Jude and Remco, thank you so much for the warm welcome. I am very impressed with this board, with both the comments given and the quality of work posted here. I'm glad you all enjoyed...
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This is a good example for me, of how a modern topic can be put to good use in the sonnet form. I am new to both the site and the form, and open to suggestions as to how to do it right.You seem to...
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Freada: Thank you for reading and responding. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
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Anne, this is very moving, very sad, and very real for too many victims of fractured marriages. To my mind, you have effectively related a compelling story within the confines of the sonnet. I have to...
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Hi Peter. Thanks for your input. I've given it much thought and I'm beginning to think that last line should be changed. On another note, I was worried that as it is, the sonnet implies that an affair...
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Hello Anne.I've not much to add to the good comment above. I agree you might take another look at L11, and if I were you I'd take Jude's suggestion for L14.L10,11,12 would seem to imply there had been...
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Hi D.G. Thanks for your input, especially re: the implication of the affair. I feel I need to remove this implication and will definitely have to re-work this. Maybe changing the title would clarify...
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I was going to say it's got a great turn, but David said it first.I'll say it again though.Intriguing title, too.Philip
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Hello Anne,I'm showing up late, but wholeheartedly join the chorus of welcomes. I have nothing but applause for the slick setup and turn in your sonnet, and I had no trouble getting into the emotion...
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Hi Philip. It figures, I make a comment about possibly changing the title, then someone tells me they like the title! Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed this.Mary. I've...
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